k i k i
… and so you of course know the journey of the Monarchs, and what it mirrors, what it metaphors. and let me tell you, that perhaps, being told “… you are not a Real Monarch” it’s maybe a relief, i am a monarch with lower case m,
my name is kiki,
i was one of those butterflies
and let me tell you
i always felt more comfortable, when i was an egg
i could see
i could feel, sense every single part of my body,
i went from being one single blob
and now there was ii (two) of us, a mirror?
a desire to become them,
to absorb them
to become whole again, a longing
plop! plop!!plop! plop!!plop! flooop!!
y esta estrella creció grande,
now that i think about it,
that first plop, might have had a bit of floop
my other me was a bit different i noticed,
and i knew i must be different then
as a caterpillar, i loved gossiping with the flowers,
they are the best,
wiggling through to not get caught in the details,
they let me eat their buds, because they saw i was different, fabulosa!
quizás conspiraban para convertirme en flor,
i heard someone say
you are what you eat!
and i was a flower bud, gossiping with them,
… continued at the bottom of the page ….
and then one day, i felt the sky not move,
so i hung upside down like a bat
from under a leaf near the bishop’s balls,
i liked that moment of stillness.
for a second i felt what it was like to die
did i die?
un stomach cramp,
toda la sangre se me subió a la cabeza,
y mi cuerpo líquido empezó a tomar forma
oh mira q piernas,
alas de una nueva colección de gucci
q mi abuelita me mandó en un gene hace dos vidas,
me quede en este tiempo más q los demás.
anhelaba el sentirme así más
because i stayed in that form
longer than others
processing all the secrets the flowers hid in their buds
when i came out of my shell, to spread my wings like a bat
i was alone
and everyone was already flapping about
y yo aguitado (bummed out)
thinking back to that first plop!
i flew and tried to catch up w the group,
when i arrived they teased me for being late,
and someone made a remark that my spots where different,
i told them it was the gucci handbag my nana sent me in a gene two lives ago
ahh es la gucci
jaja ja q gucci q nada
hay este salió rarito, medio extraño.
they had formed roles to perform,
patterns to follow, and i kept stumbling,
it seemed like they were doing it on purpose,
oh kiki, tu no eres una monarca real,
you are not a real monarch kiki!
i couldn’t take it,
if i wasn’t a real monarch
i flew away
missing my fabulous flower friends,
how boring would have been to keep flapping like the other Monarchs
i didn’t like their patterns anyways,
ay, i have not drunk anything in two days, i was flapping furiously in the opposite direction
and now i’m quivering and disoriented, lost and hungry,
i smelled something irresistible
and the sky stopped moving again,
it looks like it’s coming from a weird tulip
with a stem of water, clear, but not flowing,
in this red tulip (what i thought was a tulip from disorientation)
a pool of nectar,
esto sabe familiar (y no es una caguama jeje!)
pero nunca lo e encontrado,
un recadito q las flores me dieron?
probé un lugar familiar, me sentí como el microsegundo antes de el primer flop!
por un segundo me sentí así, y tomé más!
hay que bonito se sentía
this tastes familiar (yet unknown )
a little message from the flower buds,
y que es lo q va pasar?
and what’s that you say it’s going to happen! gosh!
i tasted a familiar space
that microsecond before the first flop
oh how fabulous it felt.
i now knew where to go,
that there was a place from where funny looking tulips like this came
a familiar space,
and i took a few more sips!
uy, se me puso poquita borrosa,
my vision go a bit blurry,
the disorientation was still there,
mixed with all this new feelings
my heart beating like a crazy horse
describe cinco cosas,
el aire se mueve de nuevo,
the sky is moving again,
i feel it caressing my wing,
i am standing in a funny tulip,
me paro en un tulipán cómico
that is true
a book of leaves
un libro con ojalás
ay cabron esta ansiedad me está haciendo una broma,
what the hell! this anxiety is playing a prank on me,
yes i am disoriented, lol no need to let me know through visions,
but then i thought,
kiki you don’t have visions!
thump thump thump Thump
shake my head
ohhh! disidentifications! que bonita la foto en ese libro.
suddenly, someone came near,
this butterfly is siping on my aperol spritz!
awwww, pipiripheww! snaps a photo
aperol spritz ✨
what a funny name for a funny looking tulip
y el aire se movió y como desorientada, sin querer volé!
and the sky began to move faster this time and
i moved with it,
out of habit,
but I loved how i was feeling
all the sensations
i must find this familiar place
i must find this field of funny looking tulips…